Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
