I think i sorta joined a cult last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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