White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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