no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
