why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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