one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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