She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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