i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
