6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
