were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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