Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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