Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
