Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
