I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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