Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
