haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
