she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
