how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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