First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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