I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
