yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
