Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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