Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
