do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
