I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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