Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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