420 ftw
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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