hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
