Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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