Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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