I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Panties = found
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