Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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