I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
