I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
