RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
