I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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