So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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