My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
