i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
