Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
