So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
