I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
