I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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