I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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