One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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