is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
