Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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