You're so nebulous sometimes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
