So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
