and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
