I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
