I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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