i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
