ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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