And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
not ubering you a puppy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
