Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
