if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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