Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
