what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
