dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
