I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
