her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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