don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
