he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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