You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have fence marks all over my body
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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