woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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