the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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