Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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