god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
