Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
