Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
