I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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