Ambien. No doubt about it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
