put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
third nipple confirmed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
