I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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