I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
